HBO "Hard Knocks" recap: The Jets get down with magic and Icy Hot

Intro. At the end, Rex Ryan stares down the Lombardi trophy, half out of lust, half out of curiosity about whether there are Peanut M&Ms inside. Sad faces in the locker room after the first preseason game. Kris Jenkins gives a rather uninspiring speech, showing that oratory skills need four weeks of nfl jerseys practice before hitting their stride too. I wonder if JFK went to training camp before his big speeches? If the Carlyle Hotel counts, then yes. Mike Tannenabum talks Rex and casually looks around to make sure the camera is on him before continuing. Jenkins again. "I had a lot on this game." Watching on TV, Pete Rose shakes his head and says, "don't ADMIT that" to nobody in particular.

On the road now at sunrise. The sun shines on the clock tower at SUNY-Cortland and the clock itself sort of looks like the one from "Back to the Future." Or it could be that all clocks on clock towers look like the one that helped Marty McFly go from 1955 to 1985. Mark Brunell remembers when McFly performed "Johnny Chicago Bears jersey B. Goode" at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. He had driven there with Joe McKnight. Rex tells the team they won the varsity game against the Giants but not the JV game. Mike Pittine, defensive coordinator, talks to the backups. "We sucked," he said. No mention of diddly-poo. Pittine doesn't want the team to watch the second half of the game because it might rub off on them. Don't show them last week's episode of "Hard Knocks" then or else there will be 53 babies in Jets day care nine months from now.

Training montage. Liev Schreiber voiceovers that special teams is the only hope for fringe players. Mike Westhoff wields the ax and people's heads are on the chopping block, he says. Immediately, an image of Louis XIV and Marie Antoniette pop into mind. Rex Ryan would have made a good French peasant because he happily would have accepted the offer to eat cake.

David Clowney needs to impress the coaches. I bet he Carolina Panthers jersey wishes the Predator was named David Clowney, because then he'd be a shoo-in to make the team a la John Connor. Westhoff says he has been touting Clowney since Bush was president. The second Bush, presumably, because only Joe McKnight played during the first Bush administration. And probably one of Antonio Cromartie's kids too.